


sixteen going on seventeen

by sundaymournin



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Ableist Language, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Insecure Isak, M/M, Protective Even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 03:19:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14179389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaymournin/pseuds/sundaymournin
Summary: Isak is sixteen, going on seventeen and his best friend, Even, won't let him grow up.-“I don’t know why you always go after weird, older guys. You’re a baby.”“I’m sixteen. I’m not a baby.” Isak grumbled, letting Even drag him out of the party and onto the street. He always let Even drag him away, because that felt good too. Being wanted, being complimented, someone paying attention — that was great.But being cared for was always better.





	sixteen going on seventeen

_“Your life, little girl, is an empty page_ _  
_ _That men would want to write on”_

* * *

 

 

“I noticed you the minute you walked in.” Fredrick, a tall and muscular third year told him, hand on the wall next to Isak’s head. They’d been chatting all night, about time and the stars. He’d even stood there and smiled while Isak went on and on about how Trump’s presidency was going to affect Norway.

 

That could only mean one thing; Fredrick _liked_ him.

 

And Isak? Well, Isak liked being liked. He liked when older boys with charming smiles played with his curls and made him giggle and pressed him against walls at parties. It was nice, being wanted. Isak thrived off of it.

 

“Oh, you did?” He teased, eyebrows raising; a habit he’d picked up from his best friend. “What did you notice?”

 

“These lips.” Fredrick smirked, thumbing along his lower one. “That smile.”

 

Isak giggled and pushed his hand away. “You’re so full of it.”

 

“You don’t mind.” The older man told him and he was right; Isak didn’t mind the cheesy pickup lines or the fact that it was all just bullshit. Isak didn’t mind being lied to and told how cute. As long as someone paid attention to him.

 

Fredrick leaned in and Isak let him, ready to be kissed. Ready to be wanted. Ready to feel good about himself.

 

Then, without warning, Isak was being tugged away from the older boy. “There you are.” Even was saying, pulling him into his side. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. How much have you had to drink?”

 

Isak rolled his eyes. “I’m _fine,_ Even.”

 

“You don’t look fine.” Even argued, glancing at Fredrick.

 

“Really? What about him,” Isak gestured to the third year. “Doesn’t look fine?”

 

Even sneered. “He’s way too old for you. Anyway, we need to get you home.”

  
  


“I don’t know why you always go after weird, older guys. You’re a _baby.”_

 

“I’m sixteen. I’m not a baby.” Isak grumbled, letting Even drag him out of the party and onto the street. He always let Even drag him away, because that felt good too. Being wanted, being complimented, someone paying attention — that was great.

 

But being cared for was always better.

 

Even snorted. “You’re too young to be dealing with guys like that.”

 

“Guys like _what?”_ Isak asked, pulling his hand out of Even’s grip and stopping on the sidewalk.

 

Even turned around slowly, expression serious. “You’re too young to deal with their bullshit. Most of them are in there getting wasted because their lives are fucked up and you -- Guys like _you_ don’t need to be around men like _them.”_

 

“Guys like me?” Isak smiled, head cocking to the side teasingly. “And what does that mean? What kind of guy am I?”

 

Even bit the inside of his cheek, obviously trying to hide his own grin. “Young. Naive. Too pretty for their own good.”

 

“Pretty?” Isak offered, taking a step closer to him.

 

Even, in turn, took a step back. “You’re drunk.”

 

“Not _that_ drunk.”

 

Even huffed out a laugh and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Let’s get you home.”

  
  


When Isak was little, he spent most of his time outside, away from home. It didn’t usually matter where; parks, gardens, the wooded area a bit far from his house. He would always end up back at home when the sun fell, covered in scrapes and bruises. His parents rarely noticed and Isak liked it that way.

 

Until he fell down a hill when he was eight and broke his ankle. For once in his life, he’d wished his parents gave a shit about him and would somehow realize he was missing and come looking. Isak lay down in the grass and sobbed silently, unable to move.

 

That’s where he met Even.

 

Ten, older, wiser and strong enough to carry Isak all the way home on his back. His own, personal superhero. They’d been inseparable ever since. Even was always taking care of him and Isak was always giving him reasons to worry.

 

Isak was pretty sure they both liked it that way.

  
  


_“Baby, it's time to think_ _  
_ _Better beware, be canny and careful”_

 

* * *

 

 

“You’ll love him.” Isak insisted, styling Even’s hair in the bathroom. “He’s fun and funny and he likes dancing.” He listed, smiling brightly when he finished with his best friend’s hair. “There. You look hot.”

 

Even raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t I always hot?”

 

“Usually.” Isak agreed. “Buy my drinks tonight?”

 

“You’re sixteen.” Even pointed out, grabbing his jean jacket off the couch and slipping it on.

 

Isak rolled his eyes. “Which is why I need you to buy me drinks.”

 

“Or you could not drink.”

 

“Whatever. I’ll get Eskild to buy them for me.” Isak shrugged.

 

Even frowned, following him out the door. “Liking him less and less by the minute. Where did you meet this guy again?”

 

It had always been hard integrating Even with his other friends. With Jonas, it had been the battle of best friends, both trying to compete over who loved him more. Even had won by giving Isak his favorite Winnie the Pooh sweater and Jonas had been bitter ever since. When Even met Magnus, it had gone a little better; there had never been any competition there.

 

No matter who he was meeting, though, Even stayed on edge. Almost as if he thought any one in Isak’s life could leave him lying on the ground, alone, with a broken ankle. It was an image Isak didn’t think he’d ever gotten over. To Even, he was glass. That’s how it always had been.

 

But he was sixteen now. He had friends who danced and partied and smoked and had fun. He had friends who would run from a party without looking back to see if he was keeping up and while Isak completely understood, Even did not.

 

“I don’t like him.” Even declared, minutes after meeting Eskild.

 

“You don’t _know_ him.” Isak reminded him, sipping from the fruity drink Eskild had slid him. “He’s great, Even.”

 

“He gave a minor alcohol.”

 

Isak laughed. “You’ve given me alcohol!”

 

Even only scowled. “It’s different.”

 

“No, it’s not. Stop being so grumpy.” Isak insisted, pinching his cheek. The scowl melted away into a smile. That was always better.

 

“Isak.” Eskild laughed, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around Isak’s waist. “Dance with me.”

 

He laughed, untangling himself from his friend. “I don’t dance.”

 

Unless it was with Even. He only ever danced with Even.

 

“Come on!” Eskild grinned, tugging on his elbow. “You’ll never know if you never try.” Isak let himself be tugged onto the dancefloor, throwing an apologetic grin over his shoulder at Even as Eskild lead him away. “Is that him?”

 

“Who?” Isak asked.

 

“The boy you were talking to.” Eskild waggled his eyebrows. “Is that the infamous Even?”

 

Isak flushed. “My best friend?”

 

“Is that what we call people we’re helplessly in love with?” Eskild teased, spinning Isak under his arm.

 

“Obviously.” Isak grinned, stumbling as Eskild lead their awkward, shoulder shimmying dance. “Didn’t you know? That’s what you call Elias isn’t it?”

 

Eskild scoffed, feigning innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

It didn’t take long for Even to intervene, the way he always did. Only this time, his jaw was set, his lips were thin, and he was glaring at Eskild. “I think you’ve danced enough.” He told them.

 

“Hey.” Isak slapped his arm. “Don’t be rude.”

 

Even rolled his eyes. “I’m not being rude.”

 

“No?” Eskild hummed, an amused smile on his lips. “Don’t worry, Evie, I’ve got prettier fish to fry.” He shrugged before heading back towards the bar.

 

“Fuck you, I’m pretty!” Isak shouted after him, only earning himself a laugh. He turned to Even. “You can’t do that.”

 

“Do what?” Even sighed, arms crossed over his chest.

 

Isak frowned. “Treat my friends like shit. He wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

 

“He’s an adult flirting with you.” Even insisted.

 

Isak made a face. _“Ew._ He was not flirting with me. Just because you think of me that way doesn’t mean everyone does.”

 

Even flushed, looking a little caught. “I don’t think of you like that; you’re a baby.”

 

“I’m _not_ a fucking baby!”

 

“We’re going home.” Even decided, reaching for his hand, but Isak pulled it away.

 

“No!” He snapped. “I’m not going home with you.”

 

“Isak.”

 

Isak clenched his jaw. “Stop treating me like I’m a little kid.”

 

“You are a kid.”

 

“Fuck you, Even. You’re a controlling prick.” Isak hissed, shoving his chest hard before storming past him, out into the air. He didn’t feel like dancing anymore, or hanging out with his friends; if he stayed, Even would glare at him from across the room for the rest of the evening.

 

Their game was getting old — just like Isak was.

 

Isak got three blocks away before Even caught up to him, jogging and calling his name. He grabbed Isak’s shoulder, spinning him around. “You can’t just walk around, drunk in the middle of the night.”

 

“Are you seriously _still_ scolding me right now?” Isak laughed bitterly. “You’re not going to apologize?”

 

“For trying to keep you safe?” Even asked, throwing his hands up. “Excuse me for trying to do my job.”

 

Isak tore at his hair. “Oh my fucking god. It’s not your job to take care of me, Even!”

 

“Yes, it is!”

 

“No, it isn’t!”

 

They glared at one another, breath heaving and faces inches apart. The glare lingered. Longer than it needed to, longer than an average one that Isak would ever share with Mikael or Jonas or Magnus. It held meaning, it held weight. It felt like a sign. The kind that drove Even’s movies and books and plays. It felt like a magical moment where the universe was telling him to make his move.

 

Isak leaned in, eyes nearly closed and lips nearly brushing together when Even turned his head and his lips met the other man’s cheek.

 

_Oh._

 

Even took him home.

  


  
_“Totally unprepared are you_ _  
_ _To face the world of men_   
Timid and shy and scared are you”

* * *

 

 

“He’s so fucking hot.” Isak groaned, burying his head in his hands.

 

“Talking about me?” Even smirked, sitting down next to Isak. Too close. Painfully close.

 

Mikael snorted. “I wish. He’s talking about Jonas’ new friend.”

 

“Elias?” Even made a face.

 

“Elias?” Mikael echoed, eyes widening.

 

“Not _that_ Elias.” Isak corrected.

 

Even frowned. “He’s a dick.”

 

Isak barely spared him a glance. “Well, that’s my type.”

 

“That’s why you can’t date.” Even shrugged.

 

“Didn’t realize my babysitter also decides who I’m into.” Isak snapped, taking an angry bite of his roll.

 

“Whoa.” Jonas sat down, looking Isak over. “Who pissed you off?”

 

Isak shrugged. “Who said I’m pissed off.”

 

“It was Even.” Mikael whispered, as if they couldn’t hear him.

 

“I didn’t even do anything.” Even argued, still staring at Isak. His gaze felt like it was burning the side of Isak’s head, but he ignored it. Mostly to annoy him. To make Even just as mad as he felt.

 

Jonas snorted. “Doubtful.”

 

Even turned and glared at Jonas. “We were just talking about his crush on your friend.”

 

Jonas groaned. “Isak, he’s an asshole.”

 

“See?” Even gestured to Jonas, like it proved his point.

 

Isak clenched his jaw. “I didn’t fucking ask you. Either of you. For once, can you just shut the fuck up and keep your opinions to yourself?”

 

“So did you guys see the shit Adam posted the other day?” Mikael asked, changing the subject immediately because he was good like that. No one talked about Isak’s bad choices in men for the rest of the day and Isak pretended like he didn’t have an outburst.

 

It was fine. He was fine.

  
  


Later that day, on the tram, Even finally asked. “Do you hate me?”

 

The thing with Even was that he was good. He was so good, so kind, so thoughtful. Half of the reason he was so protective over Isak was because he didn’t have anyone who was out there, trying to protect him. Even took it upon himself to not only be his best friend, but be sort of a surrogate parent.

 

And Isak was grateful, he really was. There was so much he never would’ve been able to get through if it hadn’t been for Even taking the reigns when he needed. But they were older and Isak didn’t see Even as his older, smarter friend anymore. Isak thought they were something more than a friend who protects and a friend who wrecks.

 

He’d thought they were building up to something different but obviously Even had something else in mind. Obviously Even wasn’t on the same page. Obviously Even saw him as some dumbass kid and _that_ was impossible to swallow.

 

“I don’t hate you.” Isak grumbled.

 

“Is this because of the other night?” Even asked, sounding uncharacteristically insecure.

 

Isak stopped in his tracks and looked up at his best friend. Even _looked_ insecure, too. He looked scared. “Is what because of the other night?”

 

“Why you’re acting so weird.” Even shrugged.

 

“So now I’m weird?” Isak asked, because he wasn’t ready to fully forgive him. Not yet.

 

“No, you’re just.” Even swallowed. “Different. Upset. I made you upset.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes, deciding he wasn’t ready to let his guard down. “Not everything’s about you.”

 

Even didn’t argue; just walked him home in silence.

  


_“You need someone older and wiser_ _  
_ _Telling you what to do”_

* * *

 

 

Maybe Isak was being more dramatic than he needed to be.

 

Even very rarely pissed Isak off; it wasn’t something either of them particularly liked so it didn’t happen often, but when it did, Isak was a little unforgiving. A lot unforgiving.

 

It was true that Even took care of Isak at most parties; he made sure he didn’t drink too much or go home with anyone. He made sure to take the blunt away when Isak got too high, to hand him water when he was too drunk to walk. Even took care of Isak, always.

 

Isak just wanted to see what would happen if he didn’t let him — because that was the truth. Isak had let Even take on the parental, protective role. He’d allowed it and if he didn’t like it anymore, it was his job to take it away.

 

He just wanted to see what it would be like, without him.

 

Magnus knew about some party, on the other side of town they could go to. It was just like any other party at first; drinking, dancing, smoking in the bathroom. But the more people showed up, the less tame it got.

 

“Funny see you here.” Fredrick grinned, cornering a crossfaded Isak in the kitchen. “No bodyguard tonight?”

 

“He got fired.” Isak grinned, cocking his head to the side.

 

“Lucky me.” Fredrick smirked.

 

Isak didn’t remember much after that. A pill, some making out, and then suddenly Isak’s entire body felt like it was going a mile a minute. He felt more awake than he ever had in his entire life. He felt wired, the way Even must’ve felt when he was manic, Isak was sure. Everything was in brighter color, every brush of his skin felt intense.

 

Every anxiety magnified.

 

“Wanna get out of here?” Fredrick was whispering in his ear, mouthing at the skin under it.

 

_No._

 

“I need to make a call.” Isak stuttered out, pulling his phone out of his pocket with a trembling hand.

 

Fredrick frowned. “Calling the bodyguard?”

  
  


“Even? Even, can you… I know I was being an asshole.” Isak whimpered into the phone, holding his head in his hands as he sat at the edge of the sidewalk. “Can you come get me?” He asked tearfully. “I took something and I don’t… Yeah. I’ll send it to you right now.”

 

Some adult he was.

  
  


“Isak!” Even was cupping his face, thumbs rubbing over his cheekbones. “Shit, you look fucked up.”

 

“Mean.” Isak grumbled, leaning into his hand. “I can’t stop thinking so loud. I can’t believe I took something, I’m such a fucking moron. They always tell you not to take shit and I took shit and I’m so fucking _stupid.”_

 

Even shushed him, pulling Isak to his feet and into the backseat of his mom’s car. “You’re not stupid, Issy.”

 

“Hi, Mari.” Isak mumbled, hiding his face in Even’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Maybe Isak needed Even, just a little. Maybe that was fine. Maybe that was okay. Even didn’t feel the same way about him and, sure, that hurt Isak’s feelings. It broke his stupid, fragile heart but he needed Even more than he needed a boyfriend. He needed his stupid bodyguard.

  
  


“I don’t like fighting.” Isak admitted once he was safely tucked into bed with the other boy, their feet tangled up together. “I’m sorry for being an asshole.”

 

Even pushed his curls off his forehead, staring down at him thoughtfully. “... I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to control you.”

 

Isak looked up at him before averting his gaze back to Even’s collarbone. “Feels like that sometimes.”

 

“I just want to protect you.”

 

“But…” Isak swallowed thickly. “I have to fall in love at some point, right?”

 

Even’s hand froze in his hair. “... Right.” He went back to petting his curls, wrapping a strand of hair around his finger. “Do you want me to back off?”

 

“... Only a little.” Isak promised.

 

“I can do that.” Even promised. “A little.”

  


_“Fellows I meet may tell me I'm sweet_ _  
_ _And willingly I believe”_

* * *

 

 

After that, something awful happened: Even backed off.

 

When Isak flirted with Elias at lunch, Even kept his nose stuck in his sketchbook. When Isak talked about hooking up with Fredrick to Magnus, Even kept talking about movies with Mikael. When Isak was hit on in the grocery store, right in front of Even, by a guy too old for him, his best friend just smiled politely.

 

Isak hated it. He _really_ hated it.

 

He hated it almost as much as he hated it when he found Even talking to a pretty, blonde third year in the library. Even was leaning across the desk, laughing at a joke the girl had made and Isak was fuming.

 

“Even.” He smiled tightly.

 

“Oh, hey, Isak.” Even’s grin only widened.

 

Isak glanced between the two. “We were supposed to head home fifteen minutes ago.”

 

The blonde girl cooed. “Oh, are you brothers?”

 

Isak made a face. “No.”

 

“Sorta.”

 

Isak turned his glare onto Even. _“Excuse_ me?”

 

Even shrugged with one shoulder, looking uncomfortable. “We’ve been friends since we were kids.”

 

“How cute.” The girl smiled.

 

Isak hated her. “Are we going home or not?”

 

Even blinked at him, eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Uh, can’t you walk by yourself?”

 

_Oh._

 

Right.

 

Isak deflated at that, unable to hide how much that hurt. He hadn’t realized that when Even said he was backing off that he was changing everything about their friendship. He hadn’t realized that meant that Even was going to start flirting with girls who were way prettier and he’d have to walk home alone. He hadn’t realized Even was going to pull away from him entirely.

 

“Fine, yeah.” He mumbled, ducking his head and hurrying out of the library.

 

Even didn’t follow him.

  


Elias was an asshole. His jokes were mean and more often than not, he was laughing at Isak’s expense. Whether they were playing Fifa at Jonas’ house or Isak was falling off his board at the skatepark, Elias always seemed to be pointing to him as the weak link. The klutzy one. The sensitive one. The gay one.

 

It sucked, it made Isak feel a little insecure, but it was fine. He was fine. And anyway, he got to look at Elias all day and he definitely wasn’t complaining. Or, he usually wasn’t. If Even was around, Isak likely would be staring at him.

 

That was another thing; Even wasn’t hanging out with them anymore. He spent lunch with Sonja, the blonde girl from the library, and Isak refused to let her join the table. They barely saw one another in or out of school. Isak couldn’t help but feel like he’d lost his best friend entirely.

 

“What’s going on with you two?” Jonas asked one day, catching Isak glaring down the hall while Sonja and Even kissed at her locker. Kissed. Even kissed other people. He did that now.

 

“Hm?” Isak feigned innocence.

 

Jonas gave him a _look._ “Don’t play dumb with me. What’s going on?”

 

“Growing up, I guess.” Isak shrugged.

 

“What? So he gets a girlfriend and leaves you all alone?” Jonas snorted, doubtful. “That doesn’t sound like Even.”

 

Isak huffed, slamming his locker shut. “You don’t even like him.”

 

“I like Even.” Jonas argued.

 

“And I’m not alone. I have you.” Isak paused, looking up to meet Jonas’ gaze. “Right?”

 

Jonas sighed, slinging an arm around Isak’s shoulders. “Always.”

  


They were all at Magnus’, because his house was big enough for that. It was all the guys —

 

Mags, Mahdi, Mikael, Jonas, Asshole Elias, Chill Elias, Eskild. And Even.

 

Even who was talking to Eskild and laughing and being friendly. Probably because he realized how great the guy was when he wasn’t focused on Isak. Probably because he could enjoy life, and people, more when he wasn’t in a constant state of worry.

 

Probably because he wasn’t worrying about Isak at all.

 

“Hey. Hey, Is. _Hey._ Dude, Isak!”

 

He snapped out of his gaze, turning to fine Asshole Elias waving a hand in his face.

 

“Hallo? Earth to the fag?” Elias snorted.

 

It was always meant to be playful. Isak kinda knew that. He knew Elias just had a shit sense of humor that came out in shit ways and everyone just kinda… let it be. Isak always laughed it off, Even always frowned. No one really cared.

 

He was harmless.

 

But Eskild had never been around him before.

 

“What did you just call him?” The older man took a step away from Even, frowning. He looked angry. Isak didn’t know Eskild could look angry.

 

“Chill, dude, it was a joke.” Elias laughed.

 

Eskild hummed. “Wasn’t funny. Are you an expert it bad jokes?”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m just wondering. It was pretty lazy comedy.” Eskild shrugged, mouth pressed in a tight line. “I mean, considering how many people in this room aren’t straight, you probably shouldn’t talk like that. Should you?”

 

Elias’ jaw clenched. “Chill.”

 

Eskild smiled, tight and dangerous. “I don’t think I will.”

 

“Jeez Isak, where did you find this guy? Is there a fag meeting you all attend?” Elias sneered.

 

Chill Elias jumped to his feet, seemingly out of nowhere. “He said to stop saying that word.”

 

“Make me.”

 

Isak jumped up, too, pushing Eskild out of the way of the two of them. They moved too quickly though, throwing hard punches that hit Isak in the temple and then his shoulder. He let out a pained cry, getting shoved aside so the two boys could probably get a hit in at each other.

 

The rest of the guys moved, trying to break it up while Isak held his head. It was throbbing, pulsing. There was a ringing in his ear, he couldn’t focus on anything outside of how much it fucking _hurt._

 

 _“_ Even.” He gasped, mostly out of instinct. Out of habit. Isak needed Even.

 

He’s not a baby. He’s sixteen and his head is killing him and his eyes are welled with tears. He’s sixteen and the guy he’s had a sort-of crush on just called him a fag in front of the first person Isak ever came out to. He’s sixteen and his best friend has barely spoken to him in a couple of weeks. He’s sixteen and he can’t breathe and everyone shouting.

 

“Isak.” Even’s there, then. He cups Isak’s cheeks, brushing away his tears with his thumbs. “Can you breathe with me?” He’s begging, Isak realizes; Even’s just as panicked as he is, just as worried about the fight as he is Isak. Even takes his hand, places it over his chest and inhales. “Can you breathe with me?”

 

_Can you breathe with me?_

 

* * *

 

 

Isak’s eight, crying in the grass because every time he tried to stand, it hurt too badly. He shouted for help, shouting for his Mamma, but no one came. They never came. They never kept their promises to him. Not for his birthday, or for holidays, or for anything. His Mamma would come up with these big, intricate plans. She’d get Isak excited, then it would never happen.

 

Somehow, this felt the same.

 

His parents said they’d protect him, but they never came.

 

A boy with blue eyes did, though. A boy with blue eyes and blonde hair came, sat him up. Isak was still sobbing, struggling for breath through his tears. Everything hurt. He wanted his mamma. He wanted to go home.

 

The boy took Isak’s hand and places it on his chest. “Can you breathe with me?” He asked softly. Then he inhaled slowly, showing Isak how. Slowly, their breaths started to sync together. Isak calmed down.

 

“I’m Even.” The boy smiled.

 

“I’m Isak.” He stuttered out.

 

Even’s smiled stayed the same. “I’m gonna take care of you, okay?”

* * *

  
  
  


_“You are seventeen going on eighteen_ _  
_ _I'll depend on you”_

* * *

 

 

“Do you feel any better?” Even asked softly, pressing an ice pack to Isak’s temple. They were in Even’s kitchen, having left the party after everyone screamed at Asshole Elias and officially expelled him from the friend group. Isak didn’t really take part, had hidden his face in Even’s chest the entire time. “Isak?”

 

“Hm?” Isak looked up from where he had been staring at the floor. He was sitting on the counter, Even standing in front of him. 

 

Even lowered the ice pack, focusing on Isak’s face. “... Do you feel any better?”

 

Isak met his gaze, held his breath. He knew Even meant did he feel any better since he’d gotten hit, but the answer was no. He felt just as bad as he had when he got hit, before he got hit, while he was being hit. Isak had been sitting on the couch, glaring at Even and wishing his best friend would notice him. He’d been doing that for awhile, maybe for forever.

 

When he was thirteen, Isak had run all the way from his house to Even’s flat. It was the first time he’d ever seen his dad get drunk. It was the first time his dad had looked at him, had sneered, had told him the truth about his mother. Isak had run all the way to Even’s, had sobbed in Mari’s arms, had slept in Even’s bed.

 

When he was fourteen, Isak’s mamma found gay porn on his phone. She’d screamed at him for hours, shamed him, picked up her bible to read verse after verse. She’d cried as she explained what being gay could do to a person, how the world hated gay people and so Isak could not be gay. Her son could not be hated, the same way she was. She’d tried to convince him to get better. Because she didn’t want him to be sick too.

 

Isak had stayed in bed all summer long, had ignored all of Even’s texts and calls. When he finally left to take their dog, Lea, for a walk, Even had been waiting outside. He waited outside every day that summer, waiting for Isak to come out. Isak hadn’t come out to him, then, but he had cried into his shoulder until it felt less heavy.

 

When he was fifteen, Even spent two weeks at his house. He slept over, cleaned, drew funny comics for Isak. Any time Isak’s dad got drunk, Even was there to usher Isak into his room. Then one day, his dad was screaming at his mamma. He was calling her crazy, insane, batshit. A terrible mother. Even punched him. He got diagnosed with bipolar. Isak wasn’t allowed to see him for a month. That’s when he’d met Eskild.

 

Even was Isak’s superhero, but he got better when Isak wasn’t around him. When he wasn’t worried about who could hurt Isak, Even had more fun with life. He relaxed more. He was happier.

 

“Do you think it was a mistake that we met?” Isak whispered, staring at Even’s chest because he didn’t think he could handle looking him in the eye.

 

Even dipped his head, trying to meet Isak’s eyes. When he couldn’t, he sighed, brought the ice pack back to Isak’s temple. “What are you talking about?”

 

“We met by chance.” Isak clarified. “I fell, I hurt myself. If I hadn’t fallen, if you hadn’t gone out that way, we wouldn’t have met. You know there’s a universe, a parallel one, where I fell and no one came to save me? Maybe I was eaten by wolves.”

 

“There are no wolves in Norway.” Even mumbled.

 

Isak rolled his eyes. It hurt. “Yes, there are. But that’s not the point. The point is, maybe we weren’t supposed to meet. Maybe you’d be better off without me. Maybe you are.”

 

Even tensed in front of him. “And maybe you have a concussion.”

 

“I’m being serious.”

 

“So am I.” Even told him, voice sharp. “You don’t really believe we’re not supposed to know each other, do you?”

 

“Maybe I do.” Isak lifted his gaze, jutting out his chin in an attempt to look firm. “How’s Sonja?”

 

Even shook his head. “Fine, what does this have to do with her?”

 

“You’re my person.” Isak told him, holding onto the counter so tightly his knuckles turned white. “You’re my superhero. You save me, but I make you worse. I make you worried and angry and uptight and I’m bad for you.”

 

Even slammed the ice pack down on the counter, glaring at him. “Don’t do that.”

 

“Do what?” Isak mumbled.

 

“Decide what’s good and what’s bad for me. You know I hate that.” Even placed his hands on top of Isak’s, leaning into him. “You are my person.”

 

Isak scoffed. “Sonja.”

 

 _“Fuck_ Sonja.”

 

Isak blinked. “What?”

 

“If Sonja is standing in the way of you understanding that you’re my person, fuck Sonja.” Even said simply. “You make me happy. You make me laugh. You’re the one who knows what to do when I’m down, when I’m manic. _You’re_ the person I want to take care of for the rest of my life.”

 

 _“That’s_ the problem.” Isak pointed out, ripping his hand out from under Even’s and poking his chest. Hard. “You always want to take care of me but when you do, you’re meaner. You didn’t like Eskild, Even. Eskild! Just because you wanted to take care of me. I make you worse.”

 

Even scoffed. “That has nothing to do with you.”

 

“Yes, it does.”

 

“No, Isak.” Even swallowed, eyes searching Isak’s face for something. “... I was jealous.”

 

Isak groaned, leaning away from Even so his back was pressed against the cabinets. “You’re my best friend. You _know_ that.”

 

“That’s not why I was jealous.” Even told him, hands moving up to rest on the counter by his waist. Isak cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t like that there was a guy out there than took care of you when… When I couldn’t. That you came out to first. I didn’t like him because I was worried I wouldn’t be your person anymore. That’s my problem, Isak, not yours. That’s on me.”

 

“Yeah, but.”

 

Even shook his head, cupping the side of Isak’s face and pressing his thumb against his cheek. “But nothing. It’s not your fault. You are not the problem. You’re never a problem. Ever.”

 

“But Sonja.”

 

“Isak.” Even stepped between his legs, held his face, met his gaze. “You are my person. I love _you.”_

 

Isak blinked at him, mouth dropping open in surprise. “... Like a brother?”

 

 _“Ew.”_ Even made a face. “Is that how you see… me?”

 

“Ew.” Isak echoed, recoiling. _“No.”_

 

“... No?” A slow smile curved onto Even’s lips as he pressed their foreheads together. Isak shook his head. “Then how do you see me?”

 

Isak moved his hands up to cup Even’s face, sighing as their lips barely brushed against one anothers. “I love you.” He whispered. “I want to take care of you and I want you to take care of me and -”

 

Even broke off his speech with a kiss, like he couldn’t help himself. He pulled Isak towards him so their chests were pressed together, hearts hammering. Isak let out a surprised moan, hoping to any sort of god that Even’s mother didn’t hear him, as he fisted a hand in his best friends hair. He hadn’t kissed many people, had never enjoyed how mechanical it all felt but with Even it felt amazing. Even knew what he was doing with every flick of his tongue, every tug at Isak’s hair, every roll of his hips.

 

Isak pulled back when he needed air, gasping as Even continued kissing down his neck. “Even.” He whined, hands fisting in his shirt.

 

“Hm?” Even pulled back, looking obscene with his swollen lips and dilated eyes.

 

“Do you think I’m pretty?” Isak smirked.

 

Even grinned.

 

(He totally did.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhh thank you for reading! This fic actually means a lot to me and it's a little more personal than usual in random ways. I hope you all like it! x


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